I don’t understand it, but my sister loves having a routine. She thrives on it. She’s always right on schedule, and if she isn’t busy, she isn’t happy. I, on the other hand, enjoy a more relaxed pace, but I was working just as hard as she was. Audrey enjoyed all the families’ social obligations, unlike myself which felt there was no worse torture.
The expectations put on me felt like a heavy burden I didn’t want to carry. When I attempted to be the version of me they wanted, I found it exhausting and in the end, I was still a disappointment. I doubted I would ever be the person that they wanted me to be, so what was the use of trying, nor did I want to be. I still had one small question to answer, a very simple question.
“Reese Donahue, who are you and what will you do with your life?”
If I could only see an overview of my life, the big picture, things would be so much easier. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works; God gives us a small path that we can see as we go, while he gets us ready for what’s ahead.
When I was little, I would complain to my mother, “I have nothing to write about because nothing ever happens to me, my life is normal.” She would say, “Just write everything down, there are landmarks, miracles, and disappointments, you won’t want to forget.” I wish I could go back to my normal life with her. I want to see things the way she did; nothing was too small, she saw miracles everyday, in the most ordinary things.